How to Find My Voice Among All the Noise
On the challenge of staying connected to myself in a loud, fast world
🎬 Sometimes the story keeps writing itself even after it ends – A behind-the-scenes moment is waiting at the end of this post, for The Secret Journey members only.
📍Da Nang, Vietnam
This past week has been intense. I felt constantly surrounded by people, feeling a bit overwhelmed. I'm trying to reconnect with myself because while I'm creating experiences, it's hard to hear my inner voice when people are talking to me all the time.
I need to pause, take a deep breath, and start writing.
Where do I even begin? I feel like so much has happened - rushing between full beach days and shared meals, talking to so many people and hearing their stories. Everything's blending together, it's hard for me to remember.
I remember introducing myself so many times.
Sometimes I found myself talking non-stop about what writing means to me, why I started, what my goals are, until mid-conversation I'm thinking: "Maybe you should stop talking for a second?"
Then I usually say something like "Well, I could talk about this for hours haha" hoping whoever's across from me isn't bored to death.
They're not, because they usually ask more questions and tell me how interesting my story is and how inspiring I am. But maybe it's because I'm not used to having so many pairs of eyes around me, focused on me, until I feel like I need to escape the situation and get out of myself. Running away.
I love listening to others, learning from them, getting inspired. It's probably still strange to me that I'm the one others get inspiration from, and maybe every time I tell my story, I believe in myself a little more.
I realized that sometimes it's still hard for me to explain myself in English, and I feel like it's difficult to keep up with native English speakers' pace. I enjoy listening to conversations, but usually in these talks dominant people take command, and those of us who are quieter, well, stay quiet.
I've never liked "shouting my opinion" in conversations, "pushing in" and interrupting others. But here in these meetups I discovered a side of myself that does this too, because otherwise they simply won't let me speak.
Other people take over conversations and I get this combative feeling. I listen to conversations for long minutes, others have so much to say, how come I don't?
Don't I have anything to say? Maybe about some topics I really don't have anything to say, but even when I do have something to say I need a moment to translate it in my head, to find the right words to say. Sometimes I just start talking and then get stuck, panicking at the waiting looks around me. "Come on, find that word already, or just use another word! Say something!" I scold myself.
In conversations about writing I find myself explaining this situation - how writing is so much easier for me than speaking, this frustration of finding the right words. And if I feel comfortable with them, I'll say it makes me feel stupid.
I'm not sure if stupid is the right word (how meta), but I use simple words, and sometimes this makes me feel like I'm not up to par.
I find myself confused. Wanting to speak but not managing to. Sometimes managing too well and that stresses me out too. What do I want?
Maybe what I want is simply to find balance. Not to disappear completely, but also not to feel like I need to prove myself every moment.
Writing is where I'm most myself. Here, in these words, I can take my time. I can think, edit, find the exact expression. Here I don't need to compete for speaking time or struggle with words that won't come.
And that's okay. It's okay that I need time to process. It's okay that my strongest voice is my written voice. It's okay that I can't always be the most flowing version of myself in real time.
Maybe that's actually my inner voice - not the one trying to compete for attention, but the one that knows when to take a moment, when to listen, and when to go home and write.
The noise will continue to be there. People will keep talking, conversations will keep flowing fast. But I'm learning that my voice doesn't need to be the loudest to be heard.
Sometimes the strongest voice is the one that comes after silence.
Your support helps me to continue experiencing new worlds and sharing them with you through my words. Sometimes, a single cup of coffee can make a difference.
Thank you for being part of this journey.
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