Girls' Night at the Bar
Every conversation reminds me of what matters most to me
🎬 Sometimes the story keeps writing itself even after it ends – A behind-the-scenes moment is waiting at the end of this post, for The Secret Journey members only.
📍Da Nang, Vietnam
One evening in Da Nang, I headed to the main bar street that's just a five-minute walk from my apartment. Prime location, did I mention that already? I can't get over it!
On this bar street, with Vietnam's typical efficiency, everything is organized by themed streets. There's the restaurant street, the garage street, the massage street, and whatever else you can think of. Maybe the only thing that doesn't have its own dedicated street is coffee shops, because those are on every corner.
It was early evening, and I arrived at a bar playing my favorite music, ordered a ginger ale, and sat facing the street. How lovely it is to watch people, to see the best movie in the city, to imagine their stories - what they're doing here, why now specifically.
A few minutes passed before a girl approached me and said, "Hey! Can I sit with you?"
She surprised me so much. "Of course!" I said, while moving my things to make room for her.
"How fun! You look nice, and I thought you were sitting alone so maybe you wouldn't mind if I joined you," she said with the enthusiasm of someone who had already had a few beers.
"Absolutely! I'd love the company! How nice to meet you!" I said with the excitement of someone whose Amazon order arrived a day early.
Just two days ago, I wrote the post about the girl who sat next to me all day at a coffee shop and I didn't exchange a word with her, and I set myself a goal to find a friend here, or at least start a conversation - and here she came right to me. Who deserves payment? Or at least some gratitude?
She's of Asian descent and spoke with the waitress in Vietnamese. So her story really intrigued me.
She told me she was born here, but at age 7 her parents moved to the US. She had a career in sales that she left and moved to live here two years ago. Her father bought an apartment here 40 years ago, so she's living in it now, supported by her parents' money. And she understands she has to go back to the US, find work, and get married.
She sounded like it was some cruel fate decreed upon her.
"Why do you sound so repulsed by your own life?" I asked curiously. How does someone relate to their life like that?
"Because you can't succeed alone as an Asian woman, I need a man," she said, defeated.
"I'm also getting too old to have children, so I have to hurry," she added, making me realize how different we are.
She's only two years older than me (and made me feel so old!), but she sees life differently, and I understand that.
"You know..." I felt the words coming out of me without control, "When I was young, my mother always told me I needed to find a rich man, until I was mature enough to understand and answer her that I don't need to depend on a rich man, I'll be rich myself."
And these words are just part of the list I have in my head under the title "Wrong things I've heard all my life," and I always wonder how my life would have looked if I had heard the right things for me.
"Good for you!" she said, sipping her beer.
I emphasized that I don't intend to be rich, and this life is enough for me. I just want to take care of myself, to be able to take care of myself, and to live in places like this. I don't need to live in a penthouse, I don't need a Gucci bag - that doesn't interest me. Independence matters more to me.
"I understand what you mean, I just got used to living like a princess here," she said. "I don't cook, don't clean, I drink more than I should because everything here costs a dollar! But I can't keep doing this forever, so I need to go back to work."
Wow, going back to work after more than two years. I can't imagine the level of difficulty.
Meanwhile, she's staying here, and the conversation very quickly turned into a girls' talk that I felt I hadn't had in way too long!
What surprised me most was how much I feel we come from different places.
She sees herself as someone who needs to return to the expected routine - work, marriage, children, because that's what you're supposed to do. In her eyes, life here is a temporary vacation before going back to do what you must.
And I live here as who I want to be.
Maybe it's her fear, maybe it's social pressure, maybe it's really what she wants - I can't know. But this conversation reminded me how grateful I am for the path I chose for myself.
"How fun that we met!" I told her enthusiastically at the end of the evening.
We agreed to stay in touch, and I was so happy she just approached me. Maybe I found another friend, and I found a reminder of how truly at peace I am with my choices.
Your support helps me to continue experiencing new worlds and sharing them with you through my words. Sometimes, a single cup of coffee can make a difference.
Thank you for being part of this journey.
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