How Could I Refuse?
Hoi An Taught Me About Setting Boundaries
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📍Da Nang, Vietnam
After sleeping well during the day thanks to a certain pill, I went out in the evening to explore Hoi An's old town area. I'd gotten so used to the peaceful vibe of Da Nang, and I felt like Hoi An gave me a warm welcome. Too warm.
The narrow streets of the old town were packed with people from every direction, incense wafting from every corner, and crowds walking through the narrow alleys between shops. And hot, so hot. I quickly realized this entire area is one giant market spread across dozens of streets.
Friends had already warned me there are countless clothing stores here ("and be careful not to blow all your money because it's addictive"), but I felt confident since clothes aren't one of my weaknesses (thankfully). Still, after three days here, the temptation is definitely powerful.
Many people said this is a touristy city, crowded, filled with the feeling that everyone's trying to sell everything all the time. So even though I knew more or less what I was getting into, it still managed to surprise me.
In an area that's entirely a market, where so many people are selling the same things, yet with so many "customers" passing through each alley, it feels like whoever shouts the loudest gets the attention of passersby.
So everyone tries to shout the loudest.
Oh man, that first evening was so exhausting, for several reasons. Mainly because of the heat, I couldn't find a decent place to sit with AC, and I looked hard. It's not as popular here as in Da Nang, and I wonder why.
Getting swallowed by crowds isn't easy either, especially when you're walking at the pace of step, step, like at a packed concert in Times Square. This continued with restaurant prices - prices I was used to seeing in Western restaurants with AC, but there's no AC here, and the food is local and simple.
I went through several restaurants until hunger finally won. Maybe it was already the number of times I'd said "no" to everything offered to me while walking for hours, until I couldn't refuse anymore, and I sat down to eat at one of these restaurants.
It's funny that I quickly realized restaurants located on the riverbank are especially expensive, so my strategy was to move to the parallel street and look for reasonably priced food there.
After seeing a relatively cheaper menu, I went in to sit at the restaurant and pointed to a simple chicken skewer dish. When I asked for a side of stir-fried vegetables with garlic (morning glory - a very popular dish in Vietnam, and very healthy), they gave me another menu where prices were already sky-high.
Confused and hungry, I ordered the food and paid 250,000 dong. Because ultimately it's not really expensive, I just know it's worth even less in other places.
Only after I finished eating did I understand the trick: this restaurant was connected to the restaurant on the other side of the building, right on the riverbank. Same restaurant, two entrances, same prices. So despite trying to "escape" those prices with full awareness, I still fell into this trap.
The next day, I already found places serving authentic, local, simple, and cheap food - exactly what I wanted. A meal of noodles with meat and cold ginger tea cost me 55,000 dong together.
What's certain is that from that first evening in the city, I learned I can't say "no" so many times. It weakens my ability to refuse, really. So I woke up in the morning with the decision that I wasn't going to refuse anymore - I was just going to completely ignore when people approached me.
Does this sound harsh? Try walking down the street for hours where every moment someone's offering you something different at best, or the same thing at worst. It's endless: "Massage?!" "River cruise?!" "Cocktails?!" "Souvenirs?!" "You buying something, lady?!"
Or the pair of words you'll hear most when walking the streets of Hoi An's old town - "Happy Hour".
It's a marketing trick that works in the first hour, when I was still happy to hear it. But when it's from everyone, at every hour, every day - it kind of loses its point, doesn't it?
Everyone offers happy hour, which isn't the price written on the "menu" they're holding, but open for discussion, depending on... how much they feel like, or more accurately, how good you are at bargaining.
I looked at myself after two days in the city and realized something interesting: I wasn't just dealing with sales pressure - I was learning something about how I say "no" in life.
At first, I tried to be polite, explain, smile, and say "no, thank you." But after two hours of this, when I felt emotionally drained, I realized I needed to change strategies.
And this isn't just in Vietnamese markets. This is everywhere someone doesn't accept my first "no." When I feel like I need to justify my refusal, or smile when I say no, or explain why I don't want something.
Sometimes "no" is a complete sentence. And sometimes, when that's not enough, ignoring isn't rudeness - it's self-defense.
Hoi An taught me there's a difference between being a nice person and being a pushover. Sometimes, when you're in an environment that tries to exploit your politeness, the most authentic thing you can do is stop smiling and just walk away.
And most importantly, learning to say "no" without feeling guilty.
I'm still working on that part...
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