When I Suddenly Have Too Much Social Life
The unexpected conflict between craving community and needing personal space
📍Da Nang, Vietnam
After two weeks of digital nomad meetups, I started thinking about energy again. This time when I showed up to beach volleyball, I was ready to protect my energy and make more intentional choices.
That meant sitting in the shade instead of the sun, and not pushing myself to meet new people. Yeah, I just talked less. I didn't mind people chatting around me - I was totally absorbed watching the volleyball game, occasionally shouting "Wow!" when someone made an incredible save.
Sure, I probably looked a bit antisocial, but that's what intentional self-care looks like. I wasn't in the mood to chat with people, and I definitely didn't want them chatting with me, so I sat with my phone, enjoying the chance to disconnect. It felt like having one foot in and one foot out.
Later, a friend I'd met yesterday showed up, and I actually had energy to talk with her, so we ended up chatting for hours.
Walking home, I kept thinking about how my calendar had gotten completely hijacked, like someone else was running my life, telling me where to be and when, and I just kept saying yes out of habit.
Don't get me wrong - these two weeks were packed with social stuff. I hit up bars and parties, met tons of new people, made real connections, spent loads of time with others.
I'm just not used to this level of social activity. I like to think of time as a cake, and I felt like everyone else ate most of it, leaving me just the crumbs.
I keep telling myself that once I move to Hoi An in a few days, things will calm down. I'll have more me-time and fewer friend hangs, which as nice as they are, are honestly expensive as hell.
I wish this was just some limiting belief, but it's reality. Going out with people costs money. Especially when your new friends are into fancy seafood and upscale restaurants, while I'm more of a simple-food, budget-conscious kind of person.
I spent 4x my normal amount these past two weeks because I was constantly doing something or going somewhere, and let's be real - alcohol was the biggest expense. That was a conscious choice though, because everything's more fun with drinks.
But then I started wondering if I'm just being a coward.
Like maybe the universe is testing my boundary-setting skills again, and I'm chickening out by telling myself "this'll be over soon".
The truth is, I'm totally torn. Part of me loves having this social life because I usually don't have it, and I really value these connections. But I'm also sacrificing my personal time, and time is the one thing you can't get back.
Looking back at these two weeks, I realized I literally said yes to everything. Every invitation, every "let's grab dinner," every "want to come out?" - I just automatically agreed. "Sure, I don't have anything important going on" and I can always work around whatever schedule everyone else sets.
It's like I'm on autopilot, not really thinking about or planning my days.
Sure, I still work and spend hours in cafes with my laptop - you can't kill my work ethic. But it feels like I'm just fitting work around social activities instead of ever saying "Sorry, I can't - I need to work".
Talk about ironic. This is exactly what I wanted - work I can do on my own schedule so I'd have time for the important stuff: actually living.
Part of me wonders if this is just my introverted side acting up. Or if I actually need to practice setting boundaries. Like, maybe I should say no just to prove I can.
But does it make sense to set boundaries when I actually want these social connections? Should I create limits just for the sake of having limits? Even when part of me genuinely wants to participate?
I'm starting to realize this isn't about black-and-white yes or no decisions. It's about learning to actually listen to myself - figuring out when I genuinely want something versus when I'm just agreeing out of habit or FOMO.
The real question isn't whether to set boundaries, but how to set boundaries that honor both my desire for community and my need for personal space.
That might mean being pickier about which events actually matter to me. Or blocking out one day a week that's completely mine. Or just getting comfortable saying "not tonight" without feeling guilty about it.
Because at the end of the day, the best communities are the ones that get it - we all need time to recharge alone. A healthy boundary isn't about rejection - it's about taking care of yourself so you can actually be present when you choose to show up for others.
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Thank you for being part of this journey.
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